The Idol Guy

The lights are off in the Kodak Theater. The confetti is in the dumpster. Jordin Sparks is now safely enshrined in the hall of Idol champions. Given the many disappointments of this season, one is tempted to just consign it to the dustbin as soon as possible. Still, before we do that, let’s take the time to look at the memorable aspects of this season … and see if we can actually learn from them. Call it our version of the Golden Idol, except we put the show itself under scrutiny. Let’s get started, shall we?

We’ve got a bad feeling about this
Very early on we thought the top 24 was not terribly impressive. We wished we would have been proven wrong, but we were right. The cream of the crop were as good as any season you’ll find, but the rest were all lacking. Would the likes of Chris and Lakisha got as far as they did any other season? We doubt it.

Why was this the case? We doubt that it’s because America became tone-deaf all of a sudden. Is it that hard to find 24 good singers? Let’s be upfront: Randy, Paula, and Simon messed up the top 24. Badly. Why did this happen? Maybe because they wanted to avoid what happened in season five and wanted to more specifically control who won. We said so way back in our top 12 roundup. We hate to say it, but we’ll say it anyway: we told you so!

What we called then “ham-handed tinkering” resulted in a rather disappointing season. Week after week we got mediocre performances that failed to make an impression on us at home. This show has succeeded in creating singers who have received both commercial and critical acclaim, but we never got that feeling this season. While Melinda and Jordin were talented in their own right, and Blake was able to bring something new to the Idol stage, the rest of the field just wasn’t very impressive. Even the front runners didn’t always have that unique “X-factor” that separates the merely good from the truly outstanding. Melinda’s exit just shy of the finale was, in a way, perfectly representative of the whole disaster of a season.

Make no mistake: most of the problems we fans at home had with this season were a direct result of how the judges bobbled the top 24, and maybe even before that. Perhaps a little less manipulation would be in order. But who are we kidding - this is Idol we’re talking about. They’re addicted to trying to make things go as they want, even if there’s no need for it, or the way they want to go is utterly boneheaded to anyone outside of the Idol machine.

Idols fought the law and the law won
Ah, the delicious scent of scandal. Every season has it. Anyone remember Season 4’s Leroy “Can You Dig It” Wells, who ended up watching his appearance during the audition rounds from jail? Or Season 5’s Brittenum twins? Well, this season’s group had more its fair share. Our personal favorite? Ashyln Carr, who before being allowed to sing twice in front of our judges was arrested by police for … pouring sugar into the fuel tank of her ex-boyfriend’s car. Obviously she’s never watched Mythbusters, otherwise she’d have used bleach instead.

Former Idol alums were also part of this season’s rap sheet. Season 2’s Olivia Mojica (who got as far as the group stages) had her own Paris Hilton moment when her sex tape was released. Season 4’s Jessica Sierra ended up getting the full treatment - she smashed a glass over someone’s head in a Tampa bar, and was soon booked for battery. When it turned out she had cocaine in her purse, she was booked for that, too. After seeing her mugshot, well, let’s just say that Jessica’s looked better.

Of course, this season’s own top 24 wouldn’t let themselves be outclassed in the scandal department. Only two words have to be spoken: Antonella Barba. Her pictures in a variety of, uh, poses, overshadowed the first three weeks of voting. What she lacked in signing ability, she didn’t quite make up for with good judgment - taking wet t-shirt photos at a war memorial is downright stupid. While our prediction of her making the pages of Playboy didn’t quite pan out, she’s still established a permanent place in the pantheon of Idol stupidity. When she was booted just shy of the final 12, we thought the limelight would finally focus on the singing. Well, that did happen - only in a way we never thought possible. Hello, Sanjaya!

Speaking of him, his family turned out to have minor embarrassments of their own. His sister and fellow auditionee Shyamali had photos of her own come out on the Internet - and let’s just say rarely have guitars been more strategically placed. Breaking the law seemed to be a family affair, too: police apparently once found Shyamali at the family residence guarding 310 marijuana plants in the garage; she directed the police to another location where both Mom and Step-Dad were, along with yet more ganja. All three were arrested and booked; Mom and Dad’s mugshots are public, but because she was a minor at the time, Shyamali’s isn’t.

Even the celebrity guests got into the act. Akon found himself in hot water in the Carribean island of Trinidad when news surfaced of a raunchy on-stage dance involving a 15-year-old girl. Despite curiously scanty media coverage, the resulting flap was enough for erstwhile sponsor Verizon to pull out, removing his music from their ringtone store. They also canceled their sponsorship of fellow Idol guest Gwen Stefani’s tour, which he had been opening for. Last we heard, he’s apologized for his shenanigans. His “excuse”? He didn’t know the girl in question was a minor.

Is this American Idol or America’s Dumbest Criminals?

Idol Gives What Back?
No year-end roundup would be complete mentioning the much-hyped charity special. For many weeks beforehand, Ryan constantly promoted the event, name-dropping who knows how many big names that would supposedly help out with this very, very special event. Of course, given that many of the names mentioned had little, we were wondering just how they would participate. Apparently, their “participation” was limited to dancing along to Stayin’ Alive. (We should note that some viewers in foreign countries didn’t see this part of Idol Gives Back. Whether that was good or bad, we’ll let you decide.)

We expressed our skepticism of the whole Idol Gives Back business when it first aired, and we’ve seen little to change our minds since then. We still have no idea just how much of the money raised actually came from the companies that produce and sponsor Idol as opposed to people watching at home. We’ll repeat what we said then, with some stronger language this time around. Idol Gives Back may have started with the noblest of intentions, but somewhere along the line it became an exercise in self-promotion. Will some worthy causes be helped? Sure, but it was overshadowed by the excessive amount of self-congratulations Idol treated itself to. The ones who really gave back? Not Idol, but the countless millions who watched and donated. They deserve the credit.

The big question down the road is how the money will be spent. Already, questions about one of the heavily promoted initiatives - anti-malarial nets - are being raised. Let’s not even mention the endemic corruption in many parts in Africa, and you begin to wonder how much will end up where it can help the most number of people, instead of lining some politician’s pockets.

The Sanjaya Zone
We normally don’t pay an awful lot of attention to the official contestant profiles. Maybe we should from now on. This question-and-answer from Sanjaya’s profile may well have foreshadowed his entire Idol stay.

Most embarrassing moments?

I don’t get embarrassed.

It certainly took someone who was embarrassment-proof to turn in the kinds of performances Sanjaya did. We knew he was not a good singer, but the bigger stage of the top 12 seemed to “inspire” him. And not in a good way. There, Sanjaya first butchered Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, and You Really Got Me was just as horrific. (Did we really need to see that again during the finale?) The “pinnacle” of his stay, however, was Bathwater. It deserves its infamy not just for the singing, although that was its usual quality. It was, simply put, the hair. The fauxhawk was utterly and completely ridiculous. We have it on good authority some sharks ended up taking warm-up laps. The combination of bad singing and bad hair led us to create the Sanjaya Zone. As of now, we have not had any other inductions into it, or even any nominations. Sanjaya was that bad.

What we find both disturbing and maddening is how some commentators are proclaiming that the Sanjaya is the “star” of this season. We’ve never heard of a more ridiculous suggestion. Sanjaya is no more a “star” than a circus sideshow was. He’ll have his 15 minutes of fame - but so did William Hung. Really, what does he bring to the table? How far can some charisma, and the willingness to “stand out” (read: act like a complete and utter buffoon) go?

I watched American Idol and I wished a fight broke out!
The rather complicated relationship between Simon and Ryan has taken far too many turns towards soap opera territory of late. We think it’s time for the next step: for someone to get physical. Wouldn’t it be grand if Simon charged the stage like a hit batter charging the mound in baseball? Then, of course, we’d have the band and the audience join in the ensuing dogpile, so we could have a full-fledged bench-clearing brawl.

Of course, we could “help” things along by planting people in the front row audience seats. Maybe the following lineup would do:
1. Roger Clemens
2. Ron Artest
3. Mike Tyson
4. Any random Taiwanese legislator (Search for “Taiwan legislative brawl” on Youtube to see why.)
5. Russell Crowe
6. Jessica Sierra
7. The Cincinnati Bengals

Whose show is this, anyway?
More than any other season, this seemed to be the year Idol decided to bring out the marquee guests, both to appear as “mentors” and to serve as random guests on results night.

Early on, we were rather skeptical about just how useful the celebrity coaches would be. In the end, while some proved to be reasonably useful (Peter Noone, Martina McBride, Bon Jovi), some were completely useless (Diana Ross, Tony Bennett, Gwen Stefani). It was another case where our commentary proved to be unusually prescient.

To make matters worse, the choice of guests usually limited the themes as well, and some of those were woefully limited. Diana Ross songs got the finals off to a bad start (how can one expect guys to sing Diana Ross?), and not too long after perhaps we got the most ridiculous theme in Idol history: songs by Gwen Stefani or by artists that inspired her. Huh? Are our would-be Idols supposed to be psychic, able to read Gwen Stefani’s mind now? It’s no coincidence that that week was regarded as the worst episode up to that point.

Another trend that reached full steam this season was the guests who only showed up to sing on results night. We understand the big names when it’s a special week like Idol Gives Back or the finale, but otherwise we don’t like it. We’re still scratching our heads what Akon, Pink, and Fergie exactly had to do with Idol that justified bringing them on. Oh yes, how could we forget - they were selling something. Maybe it’s just us, but we’re not fans of people who haven’t had anything to do with the show just suddenly appearing on Wednesday night and having Ryan “remind” us that they have something to sell. (There’s a rich sense of irony, though, that some of this season’s guests have dissed Idol in the past and won’t even clear their songs. Yes, we’re talking about you, Pink.)

Does somebody have a DeLorean we can borrow?
There’s a big part of us that wishes we could just go back in time and erase this whole season from history. Unfortunately, we can’t. It got off to a rough start with plenty of horrendous auditions, and never got better from there. How this season will be remembered? Not too fondly, although some rehabilitation may ensue if Jordin and Blake do surprisingly well with their albums. (The only other finalist we think has a good chance of putting out an album within a year? Melinda.)

What strikes us is just how many mistakes were made. The top 24 could have been better; the themes were uninspired; and frankly we could go on for much longer. Even then, Jordin will make a good winner, and truth be told may even fit the role better than Blake or Melinda ever could. Still, it should be a wake-up call for the Idol powers that be. Things need to change, otherwise Idol will be courting another season to forget next year. You have a lot of goodwill banked up if you’re the most watched show in America, but even those have limits to their patience. They may not all be willing to stomach another subpar season. Our best hope is that the lessons of Season 6 are learned, quickly. There is some room for hope: after the near-disastrous Season Three, the rules were changed - and we believe those changes helped turn Seasons Four and Five into the standouts they are.

We want to like Idol, but it’s been hard to do so this year. Here’s to hoping Season Seven is much, much better.

That’s it for the Idol Guy this year. On behalf of the other members of the Idol writing crew - AJane, MotherSister, Yardgnome - I’d like to thank you, our readers, for staying with all of us through more than four months of this roller-coaster of a season. We hope to see all of you back next year. To borrow a phrase from Idol’s own Ryan Seacrest - Idol Guy, Out!

Major league baseball has the World Series. The NFL has the Super Bowl. Reality TV has… the American Idol finale.

Okay, comparing the finale of a reality TV show to major sports events is a bit of a stretch. But there are some similarities. They’re all the culmination of multiple weeks of hype built up by some of the best PR people known to man. They bring out the biggest names in their respective fields. Unfortunately, there’s another thing in common: the event itself is something of a letdown. Look at the Super Bowl: sometimes the halftime show is more entertaining than the game itself.

As far as the actual performances on Tuesday night were concerned, we were left somewhat underwhelmed. Some of it was to be expected; as we said last week the traditional coronation song is never any good, but even with that knowledge we still cringed at just how bad it really was. The replay songs were fairly well done, but they didn’t have the same effect they had the first time around. The new performances were not outstanding, but they were at least reasonable. The final performances reflected the whole season in a way: it was completely, and thoroughly, average. Average a successful singer does not make.

If it weren’t for the “winner’s” song, Blake would have had a so-so night. With it, though, he was pretty bad. You Give Love A Bad Name was classic Blake. The singing was nothing to write home about, but the performance itself was superb. Did it win him any new votes? No, but that was an uphill struggle in any case. We said back then that opinions on this song would be sharply divided; that was even more apparent with this go-around.

As for She Will Be Loved, it was just okay, but it could have been far better. We can’t exactly blame Blake for doing a Maroon 5 song again, but we don’t think doing songs by the same artist that close together is a good idea. That said, the performance should have been a lot better. This should not have taxed his vocals - operative word, should. Even with the limited demands the song placed on his vocals, it was still weak in a few - heck, a lot - of places. We weren’t a fan of the way Blake did this song either; it seemed to us that it was just that slower and more subdued than the original. The difference? Blake turned what should have been a fairly lively song into a rather dull one.

Blake singing This Is My Now was cruel and unusual punishment - both for him and the viewers at home. It wasn’t quite as horrific as You Should Be Dancing, but it was hands-down the most cringe-worthy performance of the night. The song itself was woeful - more on that later - and it fit Blake about as poorly as you could imagine. Blake can be downright awful if he’s forced to rely on his vocals alone; that’s exactly what happened here. Still, given that he would never even touch something like This Is My Now in any other circumstances, we won’t ding that many points from him.

As for Jordin… her reprise performance was good, although Randy went a little bit overboard with his praise. Like Blake, it was more of the same. Fighter was an interesting choice, and in some ways it’s a perfect illustration of everything Jordin is and isn’t. On the bright side, the vocals were pretty good (remember, Jordin can foul up a fast song very badly), but that wasn’t the problem. It’s believability. Anything except sappy, tear-inducing ballads from her just doesn’t work that well. Fighter needs someone who can be edgy; unfortunately Jordin is as edgy as a bowling ball. Well-sung, but completely unbelievable.

Jordin handled the crappy “winner’s” song rather better. Of course, that was to be expected, given that it was right in her comfort zone. Like Fighter, we have no complaints about the vocal. The performance was good, but the song itself was still awful. Jordin was able to ram in more power notes than we cared for, but then again that was probably how it was meant to be sung. Either way, we still weren’t impressed.

How to win American Idol - or, at least, get to the finale: Congratulations go out to Jordin for her victory. It makes for three straight seasons where the winner was never at risk of exiting all season long; we wonder if it’s a streak that will go on for much further.

Both Blake and Jordin did some things right. They were able to separate themselves from the rest of the field fairly early on - Blake right from the top 24, and Jordin a few weeks later. It’s one of the things you really have to do to ensure a good chance of winning - every winner and most of the runner-ups did exactly that in their respective seasons. That’s step one in the path to Idol success.

The other part is more subtle: now that you’ve stood out and separated yourself from everyone else, the key is to build a fanbase. We harp on that fact frequently enough, but there’s no one easy way to do so. For Jordin, it was a mix of her youth, abundant talent, and standout performances like I (Who Have Nothing). For Blake, it was the beatboxing, good looks, and a healthy dash of charisma.

Save for their occasional bouts with disaster (Living on a Prayer, You Should Be Dancing), it was a well-executed run to the top for both of them. The ultimate difference was simple: Jordin could appeal to a broader mass of people since she was not perceived to be a one-trick pony. We acknowledge that Blake is a good performer and has above average music knowledge (his remixes are not exactly child’s play), but he just doesn’t have a very good voice. Take away the beatboxing and Blake is very ordinary, at best.

Of course, the question now becomes, what happens to their debut albums? Jordin’s will be easier to do; she will probably get a mix of fast, upbeat songs and slow power ballads. There’s a good chance that it might sound overly generic and manufactured, but that’s almost traditional. If they pick the right songs for her - i.e., Jordin actually starts to sing songs that a 17-year-old can credibly sing, not, say, emotionally overladen songs like Woman in Love or I (Who Have Nothing) she’ll be fine. Assuming they don’t completely foul up her album (and that includes its release date, it has to be out before the Christmas shopping season), we have a hard time believing it will do anything less than the total numbers for Ruben or Fantasia’s debut albums - which are somewhere between the 1.5 to 2 million mark.

Blake has a more difficult job. He rose to the top on the strength of his performance skills and beatboxing… which may or may not translate well when it’s just audio. Also, because Blake’s uniqueness is part of his appeal, they have to be careful not to produce an overly generic sound, otherwise it could be a failure. (See: Bo Bice.) The best situation may be for Blake to hope Clive Davis concentrates his energies on Jordin’s album, leaving him a freer hand to record his.

The Grammar Police are calling: What in the world was that utter disaster that was the Idol single? Sure, it follows in the long line of trash that started with A Moment Like This, but that’s not an excuse. There’s such a thing in the world called improvement, which the geniuses who pick the singles seem not to be familiar with. I’m half surprised that the people who wrote it actually showed their faces, given how poorly received it was. (To be fair, the lyrics are not as silly as classics like Inside Your Heaven or My Destiny. But only barely.)

Here’s a suggestion: stop insisting that the song has to be on some level about the Idol journey. Good music comes to songwriters from all sorts of inspiration and trying to shoehorn a theme into it usually doesn’t work very well. We’re not sure if the song-writing contest actually made for a better song or not, but in any event we doubt there’ll be any changes in any case. From their point of view, it’s not “broken” - sales are always good - so why bother?

Speaking of cruel and unusual: The two-hour finale was, as far as those go, pretty good. The guest performances were good, all four of the previous winners were even better, and overall it was better than anything we expected. Some parts, however, left a pretty foul taste in the mouth.

First off the bat, this Golden Idol nonsense - and anything like it - has got to stop. An increasing percentage of the bad auditionees are there just for the 15 minutes of TV fame - and the benefits that come with that. A little of it is entertaining as comic relief, but we’re way past that. Why the heck should this kind of behavior be encouraged? Is that the kind of message they really want to send - intentionally act like a complete and utter moron, an embarrassment to humanity, and we’ll give you your 15 minutes?

Of course, it’s another issue if mental illness is involved. We wouldn’t be surprised if it was. If that’s the case, then they’re an attraction the way circus sideshows were many years ago. There are good reasons why those are no longer considered acceptable. If somebody tried to replicate those today, he would be met with nothing but scorn. Why should we treat Idol doing essentially the same thing any differently?

Then of course there’s the replay of You Really Got Me, courtesy of Sanjaya. I’m sure that somewhere JFK, Gandhi, and whoever got mentioned in that montage are rolling over in their graves. We know it’s a joke, but we’re not laughing. We’ve wasted enough space denouncing Sanjaya in this column, so we’ll keep it short. Seeing Sanjaya was not much better than seeing Big Bird back in action. ’nuff said.

The teenyboppers rise: Frequently there’s a trend in one season that carries over to the next. For example, Carrie’s success in Season 4 led to more country singers trying out for Idol, giving us the likes of Kellie Pickler and Bucky Covington last year. Similarly, Bo and Constantine were followed by Chris Daughtry.

The trend to watch for next year is: look for contestants who have younger, more contemporary fanbases to do very well. Both Jordin and Blake had rather young supporters - Jordin because of her age, and Blake because of his image (we called him last week a one-man boy band). No other finale has had someone who so obviously chased the teen/tween age bracket, yet this time both of them did. Earlier in the season, you can also consider Sanjaya’s prolonged survival courtesy of his young voters another bit of evidence.

Conversely, this means that older, more skilled but “throwback” singers will face an uphill climb next season. Taylor’s win last year and Melinda’s run this year may well be critical moments in history: they could be the last time we see contestants with a style that is old-fashioned become really successful. In a way, this is a return to Idol’s roots: neither would have been allowed to audition had it not been for the raised age limit after Season 3.

The reason for this is simple. The teen audience has become more powerful this year, because text messaging is easier and cheaper than ever before. They’ve always embraced text messaging as a preferred means of communication, but in seasons past cost was a factor because unlimited text messaging was not always common. With widespread unlimited text messaging plans, however, that’s not a problem anymore - and if anything, the technology has become even more common among teens. With teens already having an advantage in other factors (such as, for example, the amount of effort they’re willing to invest to vote), it’s not looking good for anyone much over the age of 20. The 30- or 40-something mother tossing in a few votes for her favorite is being overpowered by her 15-year-old daughter voting for her latest teenage crush using her cell phone for two hours on end, without much in the way of rest.

The flipside is the teen bracket is the likeliest to vote for someone based on reasons that have nothing to do with singing. Let’s face it; everyone’s capacity for musical discernment is not that strong at that age. If the producers really want a good, talented singer to emerge then it becomes important to ensure that the top 24 really is the best talent they can find. You may not be able to expect America - or at least, the Idol voting populace - to “get it right” every time. Then again, however, who decides the top 24? Randy, Paula, and Simon. That’s not a group that inspires confidence, either.

Top three week. Everyone knows what this means: next week we put this season out of its misery crown the next winner of American Idol. Of course, this also means that the song choices will be up, in part, to the judges and the producers. (What happened to Clive Davis? Did they forget to bring him out of his cryogenic chamber?) If you’re Melinda, Jordin, or Blake… that couldn’t have been a comforting thought.

We’ve had many shockers on Idol before, but Melinda’s exit has to be one of the biggest ones in recent memory. It was at least as big a shocker as Chris Daughtry’s departure at the final four last year. Is it just us, or can we hear some sharks doing warm-ups? In a way, it was appropriate: in a year where Idol has been flawed, to say the least, what many people think is the best of the three remaining won’t even make it to the finale. What a disaster this season has been, and Melinda’s exit was only the biggest one of this season so far.

It’s a real pity that Melinda went out when she did, because this was probably her best night to date. She got off to a rough start last night, but to use a Randy-ism she pulled it out. Really, she got thrown a hard one with I Believe In You And Me. It was far from her best, but to be fair it was far and away the hardest judge’s choice song on Tuesday. Considered on its own, it was good, but if one considers degree of difficulty she was definitely on top. (It’s not like Jordin or Blake did well with their judge’s choices, either.)

From then on, though, it got a lot better. Both Nutbush City Limits and I’m a Woman were as good as Melinda gets. She not only brought her usual vocals to the table, but she had excellent command of the stage, performance skills, even charisma - they were both superb. It’s almost like she read what we said last week and decided to turn things up another notch. Like Phil, we have to say she went out with her best performances to date.

Jordin had a mixed night to us, at best. I (Who Have Nothing) was good, but we knew this was her comfort zone, and we’d literally heard it before. It didn’t have nearly the same impact it had the first time she did it. As for the rest, well, we’re not quite sure whether she could have done anything good with Wishing on a Star. No, Paula, Simon did not pick a good song; we thought it was a rather boring choice. The vocals were okay, but it wasn’t impressive. The same could be said for her Donna Summer number. Overall, it was at best a mail-it-in week for Jordin. Good, yes. Outstanding, or great? No, sorry.

Blake is best understood less as a singer and more as a performer. If it were just down to vocals, it’s not even close. We’re tempted to quote Randy on what he said many weeks ago about Sanjaya: you can comment on the singing anymore. Melinda or Jordin could have laryngitis and they’d still be better singers. If you measure the overall package, though, the comparison isn’t quite as one-sided. Blake is far ahead of anyone else this season in terms of style and finesse. On that criteria alone, Blake did very well. As for the singing, well, they were as good as Blake needed them to be - which isn’t that good. So long as he doesn’t turn in another You Should Be Dancing-like disaster, it’s enough for us at home to forget his limited vocal abilities and take in the whole performance.

We wuz robbed: Normally, when we look at why someone got the boot, we can point out something they didn’t do right. That’s not the case with Melinda, though. Her vocals were superb right from the get-go, and her performances were showing signs of improvement by the end - we saw the first hints in Bon Jovi week, and as we said earlier she was terrific this week. So what happened?

It’s not so much a case of Melinda doing something wrong as much as Jordin and Blake doing something right. All season long, we’ve been trying to hammer this lesson in: success in Idol isn’t purely determined by pure singing or performance ability; it’s about how well you can build (and maintain) a dedicated fanbase. In this area, Melinda was at something of a disadvantage; her style was always going to appeal to an older group that was not the power-voting bloc a younger set might be.

Still, she was able to get to the top three, so she was able to get a pretty good fanbase. Unfortunately, she ran into not just one, but two powerhouse fanbases. Blake can be compared to a four-person boy band in just one individual - he has the decent vocals, superb performance skills, and good looks to boot. Throw in the fact that he’s something new on Idol, and he was bound to be a force to be reckoned with.

What about Jordin? Well, despite all the contradictions we noted last week, she’s still 17. She plays the part of the bubbly teenager very well when she’s not singing, and that’s something that translates into votes. She’s also had several standout performances, and so while her fanbase may not have the single-minded fanaticism of Blake’s, it has to be respected.

An idea that’s gotten a lot of currency is that Melinda was “dull”, “boring”, and thus a poor fit to be the next Idol. There’s a good amount of truth in those statements, although there’s a fair amount of exaggeration there as well. It sort of misses the point, though. Performance skills, charisma, all the other factors that get mentioned that Melinda doesn’t have - it really should all be secondary to singing. It’s like a good meal. The appetizers, dessert, the drinks - it’s all supposed to serve to supplement the main course, not replace it.

Ultimately, Melinda was the victim of what’s “in” or “out”. She’s one of the best technical singers Idol has ever seen, but she had a style that was in many ways a throwback. Taylor was able to make it work for him last year, but Melinda didn’t have the extra charisma Taylor had. She was also up against two powerful fanbases, and without any special tricks of her own it was difficult - a little too difficult, as it turned out.

Trivia bits of the week: Melinda is the highest-ranked contestant to not end up in a bottom three or two group before getting eliminated. The previous holder of this record was Tamyra Gray from Season One (who finished fourth).

Jordin becomes the fifth person in Idol history to make it to the finale and not end up in a bottom two or three group along the way. This rather exclusive group includes three winners (Kelly, Carrie, and Taylor), plus Season Two runner-up Clay Aiken.

No Minors Allowed: For the first time since Season Three, we have a teenager in the finale. Perhaps this is as good a time as any to ask whether it’s time for Idol to raise the minimum age.

Jordin is as good as you can expect from a teenager, but it’s clear to us that a few more years wouldn’t hurt. With some work from a voice coach, she could finally kick the control problems that she sometimes encounters. Also, she just doesn’t have the emotional depth to pull off something like Woman in Love either. She’s got plenty of natural talent, yes, but there’s more to being a good singer than just natural talent. Given one, maybe two years of added experience, Jordin could be as good as anyone this show has produced. As it stands, she just isn’t.

We can’t think of any teenager on Idol who wouldn’t have been better given a few more years of experience, both inside and outside of music. Had the minimum age been 18, the teenagers of Season Three (Jasmine and Diana) would have auditioned either last season or this time around. It’s also worth noting that Carrie Underwood, who we’ve sung the praises of plenty of times here, had a development deal when she was in her teen years, but that fell through. Would she have been as good then? We’re not so sure.

Of course, we know this is something that the powers that be would never do. For some reason or another, Idol has decided of late to chase the teen/tween age bracket. To do that, they need to get the kinds of singers who appeal to that bracket - which is why we got teenagers like Sanjaya and Jordin this season. It’s a real pity, because we’re convinced that if the minimum age was raised the overall quality of the contestants would go up a fair bit. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the highest priority of the Idol producers.

And the Ouija board sayeth: Because we won’t be putting out our next articles until after the winner’s been proclaimed, we’ll put out our prediction here. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 American Idol will be… Jordin Sparks.

Now, two things. Why can we pick a winner even if we haven’t heard the finale? Here’s the secret: it doesn’t really matter much in deciding who wins or not. Going into almost every finale, there was a decided favorite and an underdog. The underdog hasn’t pulled out a win yet - however, there’s a reason they were the underdog in the first place. Three songs each - repeats and the Idol single(s) - won’t change matters.

Why do we pick Jordin? We think Blake’s fanbase, as powerful as it is, is not likely to grow much further. Blake is really a love-him-or-hate-him singer; fans will praise his creativity while critics will bemoan him as a one-trick pony. That’s not a formula for broad appeal; he’s essentially stuck with the fans he has now. However, broad appeal is exactly what you need to win in the finale. Also, Jordin has not been in a bottom group all season long; you have to give that kind of achievement and record (three winners out of four) some respect.

The things that tips us firmly to her camp, though, is the Idol single. It’ll probably tie in to the songwriting competition, but it won’t change the usual character of the chosen songs. They’re always ridiculously cheesy, faux inspirational and just plain garbage. It’s something that Jordin can do well - it’s practically in her comfort zone. As for Blake, well… he should ask Bo Bice and Katharine McPhee how well their coronation songs went. Suffice to say that Inside Your Heaven and My Destiny are not exactly the best material either one of them has done.

Could Blake win? It’s not quite impossible, but make no mistake: it’s rather difficult. If Blake can do it, we’ll give him all the congratulations in the world - but we would not bet on it.

Earlier this week, our cable box broke and we weren’t sure if we could catch Idol this week and file this week’s article on time. As it turns out, though, we wouldn’t have missed much. It was as close to a total disaster as we’ve seen this season so far. Of the 673 songs they could have chosen from this week, it was almost like they chose the eight worst ones. It was that bad.

We have to give the title of “best” this week to Jordin. To Love Somebody had reasonably good vocals - she delivered the power notes without sounding screechy, which is not always a given with Jordin. However, it wasn’t anything we hadn’t heard before from her. We already knew she was good at the slow power ballads, and this wasn’t even her best go at that kind of song. Woman in Love was far less impressive; to us she sounded screechy in a lot of spots. It didn’t do too much harm to the overall performance, but overall it was just okay. It’s saying something that one good performance and a middlingly mediocre one was good enough to get Jordin on top of the heap this run around.

Melinda is next, but only just. Both songs were well-sung, but that’s practically Melinda’s trademark. However, Love You Inside Out made zero impact with us. Our reaction after that song could have been summed up as okay, now what? There was nothing good or bad to take note of; it was pretty forgettable. How Can You Mend A Broken Heart got off to a rather insipid start as well, but it improved to become at least acceptable by song’s end. Like Jordin, though, this was nothing we haven’t heard from her before, nor was it any good.

Blake’s first song was You Should Be Dancing. How about just singing, for starters? It was horrendous beyond words. It was so bad, it was almost enough to make us wish Chris or even Sanjaya were still on the show. Blake’s falsetto resembled that of a cartoon character who’d just been kicked in the nuts. The beatboxing seemed out of place, and do we even have to mention Blake’s attempt to become the Human Sound Effect Machine? Even his physical appearance was bad. The white highlight on the hair was ridiculous, and the jacket looked to have been stolen from Dr. Evil’s closet with a weird pattern sewn into it. One of the worst performances this season.

As for This Is Where I Came In, it wasn’t quite a complete mess, but it was still awful. His vocals are by far the weakest in this group, and that was exactly what the song highlighted. Paula made liberal use of the “contemporary” tag which, as we said several weeks ago, isn’t a compliment in our book. We understand what Randy was trying to say with his beatboxing comment - if Blake is going to beatbox, he must make sure that it fits the song. To us, it seemed like the beatboxing was like a poorly conceived addition to a house - it just didn’t fit. It was as if Blake took the song and asked himself “where can I beatbox in here?”, ignoring whether or not his performance would be helped by it.

In her own way, Lakisha was just as bad as Blake. Did she really think any good could come from singing Staying Alive? Once again she was given good advice (go up in pitch), and she ignored it. It would have been fine in a karaoke bar, but this is the final four. It wasn’t anywhere near good enough. It would have been the worst of the night, had Falsetto Blake not decided to show up. Run to Me was just okay, but it was still not what we’d expect this far along in the season. On a night when she had to be outstanding to survive, Lakisha was mediocre. It’s no surprise she got the boot.

Is anyone really surprised?: Lakisha’s boot this week was fully expected. She started out strong, but it soon turned out that she was very limited in what she could do. If she stuck to her comfort zone (mostly slow ballads), she was as good as anyone, but outside of it she had a tendency to fail, sometimes spectacularly. Staying Alive was only the most recent example; other notable ones in our book include Jesus Take The Wheel and Conga. We’re tempted to say she went a bit too far, but if you look at the rest of the field you can’t say that either. You have a hard time pinpointing just who really deserved to go that much further than they did. Any other season, Lakisha would be further down the order, but taking everything into consideration she made her exit right where she ought to.

That all you got?: We’ve spent plenty of space commenting on what seems to be the substandard quality of this season. We’re almost at the logical conclusion of that chain of events: we now have three contestant who all bring something new to the table, but also have some sort of flaw that would have been fatal to their chances any other year, or may cause problems post-Idol. This is a situation that may well be unprecedented in Idol history.

Jordin may well be the best teenager we’ve ever seen on American Idol. She’s got amazing power, and as we’re constantly reminded, she’s only 17. So what’s the problem here? Plenty. For one, she doesn’t quite have the kind of control and precision that’s especially important if you’ve got the power she has; otherwise you can sound like you’re shrieking (as she did in some parts of Woman in Love).

Another problem we have with her is this curious disconnect between her singing and non-singing personas. Like most teenagers, she has this bubbly, energetic personality. Yet when she goes out to sing, she’s at her best with the slower, older songs. When she does try something more uptempo, or more recent… it doesn’t seem to fit. Go back a few weeks and look at Hey Baby. She wasn’t impressive. Sure, Jordin can win. What happens to her when it’s time to start recording the album? With most Idol contestants, we know what they’re going to sound like when they cut an album. Consider, for example, Carrie Underwood and Chris Daughtry (the biggest commercial successes from the past two seasons.) They didn’t have the kind of contradictions that Jordin has. We’re pretty sure she’ll be signed to a record deal, no matter how she does on the show. It’ll be interesting to see what the end result will be.

What about Melinda? On technicals alone, we’ve said many times she’s as good as they get. It’s not her singing that’s the problem; Randy loves to refer to her as the “resident pro”. There, though, lies her biggest problem.

We doubt there are that many boxing fans among our readers, so humor this comparison. For many boxing aficionados, what they want to see is both fighters bring it all out in the squared circle, exchanging blows and leaving nothing in the tank, not caring about whether there’ll be a tomorrow or not. The same can be said for all sports fans - and Idol fans, to boot. It’s not enough to have the skills; you need to tell the people at home, “I’m giving it my all because this is what I want to do, I’ll be damned if I don’t do the best job I can, I don’t give a crap about what happens after this.”

Yet all too often we don’t see that from her. Yeah, the vocals are there, and we know she is trying her best. However, that’s something you almost never see from her performances. They’re always well sung, but there’s that special factor that just isn’t there. The fire, the desire to be the best… it’s just not there. Early on, we were wowed and impressed by her vocal prowess, but as the season went on that was no longer enough. Lately, our reactions have been: “okay, you can sing well. Now what?”

Why doesn’t Melinda have this ability? If we had to guess, it’s because she’s spent her professional career as a background singer. Contrast Melinda with Taylor Hicks, who did have that ability. We knew he was working his butt off every week, leaving it all out there for his fans. And it worked! Melinda learned her craft in the shadow of others; Taylor learned his in clubs all around the South. When your success as a performer is tied to the reaction you can get from a crowd that may now know who you are, or may not even care about you that much, you quickly learn how to grab their attention and impress them. Melinda, as a background singer, never had that chance; if anything what she’s learned is the exact opposite - not to stand out, not put yourself on the line because it’s not about you. It’s a quintessential case of Background Singing Syndrome. She’s shown signs of snapping out of it, but when push comes to shove she tends to revert to her old ways.

Blake is both defined and confined by his beatboxing. He has forgotten that beatboxing, like hitting glory notes, is a means, not an end. Just because you can add it to a song, doesn’t mean you should. We’re surprised no one has used the “indulgent” tag on Blake, because that’s what he did this week. More to the point, no matter how hard Blake tries, you can’t beatbox through an entire song. It will always be a seasoning to the main dish, As it is, his fundamentals are weak. When he tries to just plain sing, he’s horribly outclassed. It’s like bringing a spork to the O.K. Corral. He has some musical knowledge and creativity, but that’s more useful if you’re a producer, not the singer. All the creativity in the world can’t make up for a weak voice - you’re either born with it or you aren’t. Blake got this far with a very unique tool - his beatboxing - but beyond that, he doesn’t have much to offer. Like Jordin, one has to wonder what will happen when the album recording sessions begin.

In the short-term, the effect of having this group make up the final three is that the finale spots are pretty much wide open. Most final threes have an obvious laggard, and while vocally Blake fits that role he has a strong hardcore fanbase that will keep him in the mix. Melinda’s vocal abilities should be enough to get plenty of votes from more casual viewers, offsetting her relatively weak fanbase. Jordin is somewhere in the middle, good enough to get casual votes yet having a sizable base that will vote for her, no matter what. It’ll make for an interesting study in song choice, particularly since they’ll get to pick one of the three songs next week, with the rest in the hands of Clive Davis and our judging panel.

The Idol Guy Mailbag: with the finale week coming soon, it’s time for an announcement. When the finale is done and over with, we’ll have not one, but two articles. One will look at that week specifically, but the other will be a season in review. So I’d like to ask you, the reading public: what do you think are the trends or moments that define this season? There are some obvious ones - the (lack of) quality talent, Sanjaya - but is there anything else you think will stand out from this season? If you’ve got any suggestions - let us know either in this thread, or via private message.